Caregiver Information

Caring for aging parents, other elderly loved ones and disabled children is no easy task. For family members providing care, various forms of stress can result indifferent feelings. Anger, resentment and bitterness about the constant responsibilities, deprivation and isolation can result. For those taking care of elderly parents, this is also a time when many of the unresolved conflicts from parent-child relationships resurface and can intensify, causing anxiety and frustration. There may even be the unspoken desire, at times, to be relieved of the burden through institutionalization or even death of the receiver of care. This desire is frequently and swiftly followed by feelings of guilt. All of these can be felt, then denied because they seem unacceptable. The person giving care needs to be assured that, in fact, these feelings are common even though they may not be expressed. There are resources that can help caregivers, such as joining a caregiver support group, using community resources and above all, caring for yourself, the caregiver. We have compiled information and resources to help you care for your loved one and yourself.

• Common Questions about Caregiving
• 10 Warning signs that your aging parent or loved one need’s help Checklist
• Long-distance Caregiving

Common Questions about Caregiving

As family members or friends care for an impaired elderly person, several questions present themselves:

1. What are his/her needs?
2. What kinds of care are needed to allow the elderly/impaired person to remain in the community?
3. Who is going to provide the care? When? How? Where?
4. Should the senior remain in his/her own home, live with the children or other relatives, or move to other surroundings (retirement apartments, residential care, intermediate care, skilled nursing facility or other)?
5. How can living arrangements be changed to help the person stay in the home or become more independent?
6. If outside services are needed, does the impaired person have the resources to pay for them? How can they be obtained?
7. How can care be given to the person in need without denying attention to others (spouse or children) for whom the caregiver also has responsibility?
8. Do you as the caregiver feel tired or frustrated from caring for an older person?

In answering these questions you are developing an important list of the needs of the impaired elderly person, as well as possibly bringing into perspective the caregiver’s needs as well. The questions do not have easy answers and the solutions may vary in every situation. The care of an impaired older person can create stress that affects the ability of the caregiver to continue providing the necessary level of care that their loved one needs. The stress experienced may be physical, financial, environmental and/or emotional in nature.

This information was provided by:
The Caregiver Education and Support Services, Seniors Counseling, Training & Case Management Services of the San Diego County Mental Health Services, 1250 Moreno Blvd., San Diego, CA 92110. Robert Torres-Stanovik, LCSW, Editor First Printing – January 1990; Second Printing- July 1990

Questions concerning the online portion of the Handbook may be referred to the San Diego County Mental Health Services (address above) or send E-mail to Dr. Stall at drstall@acsu.buffalo.edu

10 Warning signs that your aging parent or loved one needs help

Experts advise adult children to be aware of any changes in their parent or loved one’s attitudes or behavior – changes which are often undetectable over the telephone. However, there are clear warning signs that some type of intervention is needed including the following 10 issues:

1. Mail and bills are left to pile up. The simple act of opening and filing mail has become overwhelming. Managing a checking account can also become too much for a senior to handle.
2. The house is cluttered or unkempt. This is especially troubling if an elder has always been neat and orderly.
3. Food in the refrigerator is uneaten or spoiled. Shopping, cooking and cleaning may have become too much trouble. A loved one might eat enough to get by, but may be suffering nutritionally. Losing weight can be another sign that a loved one is not eating a nutritious diet.
4. Signs of scorching on the bottoms of pots and pans. This can be a result of short-term memory loss and a dangerous sign that parents are forgetting about pots left on the stove, causing a fire hazard that threatens both the individual and the surrounding neighbors’ safety.
5. The aging loved one wears the same clothing over and over again and has other personal hygiene issues. Doing laundry may have become physically challenging, particularly if the washing machine is in a difficult location to reach, or there may be a fear of falling in the tub or shower.
6. Missed doctor’s appointments. Sometimes this is simply a product of not having transportation and not knowing how to access other transportation options. It could also be another sign of memory loss.
7. Repeated phone calls at odd hours. When a loved one telephones friends or family at odd hours, it may be a sign of memory loss, or a cry for help – a sign of depression or isolation. Arranging for a daily check-in phone call, a regular volunteer visitor or even getting involved with the local senior center could make all the difference.
8. Forgetting to take medication. Another sign of short-term memory loss or depression, this isn’t just a quality of life issue, but a real health risk.
9. Inappropriate behavior, clothing or speech. You may hear about this from a neighbor, someone who has noticed that your loved one is not dressing appropriately for the weather, for instance. That’s a sign that he or she might be confused.
10. Symptoms of depression. A frequent problem for many older people who feel isolated and alone, like a prisoner in their own homes. Depression causes marked changes in behavior and routine. Feelings of hopelessness or despair, lack of interest in once pleasurable activities, crying, listlessness, and not wanting to get dressed can all be indications of a problem.

If you notice any of these or other signs that your loved one may need help, call JFCS for more information about our services and information about other community service providers that may be able to provide assistance. (503) 226-7079