Simons Reclaims Life with Help from JFCS
By Deborah Moon Seldner
Jewish Review
Nearly three years after he stepped into a busy street not caring if he reached the other side, John Simons is ready to begin a new life in Israel, thanks to the assistance he has received from Jewish Family and Child Service.
"Without Jewish Family and Child Service, God only knows what would have happened to me," said Simons, 55. With that help, Simons now plans to make aliyah within the month and start a new life in Israel as Yoni Reuben, creator of a human relations teaching program for teens.
Simons said he decided to share his story of tragedy and recovery to remind the community that disaster has the potential to strike anyone."No one is immune to tragedy, regardless of their socioeconomic class," said Simons. "This community tends to take affluence for granted. But, tragedy can affect anyone at any time—9/11 demonstrated that. ? By providing a high level of support for JFCS, the community gets itself an insurance policy."
"It's important to have help available," he said. "But it's also important for people to feel comfortable to ask for help." Simons said by sharing his story, he hopes to help achieve both of those goals.
Simons' wife, Suzanne, for whom he had been the sole caregiver during the preceding five years, died Oct. 28, 1999."Not only did I lose a wife, I lost an identity, a purpose for being around," said Simons of his role as caregiver.
For the first year, he said, saying kaddish daily kept him going."Kaddish makes a connection," he said. "After it's finished, there's a void. I felt terribly, terribly alone."
And into that void flooded long-suppressed grief over the death of his parents at ages 51 and 55. His wife was already ill with complications from diabetes when his mother died, so he never really grieved for his mother, he said. The grief spiraled downward into depression until Simons said he had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, and he didn't care if he survived a trip across the street. He was angry at Judaism because after kaddish, it seemed to have no answers for him. He considered converting to Christianity, attending several churches.
After months of crossing the busy street between his apartment and the grocery store, Simons said he was shaken when a car really did nearly end his life.
"It shook me wicked," said Simons. "I decided I'd better get help."
Simons credited Rabbi Gary Schoenberg and Rabbi Laurie Rutenberg of Gesher with keeping his ties to Judaism alive and also with recommending he contact JFCS.
At JFCS, counselor David Molko stepped in and over three years helped Simons turn his life around.
Initially, Molko arranged for Simons to get help with food and to get on the Oregon Health Plan. JFCS provided emergency financial assistance. And Simons began counseling with Molko to treat his depression. "David and JFCS provided the stability," said Simons. "David Molko is a Rock of Gibraltar. He's that anchor."
Through continued connections at JFCS and Gesher, Simons said he maintained his tenuous ties to Judaism even while exploring Christianity. But it was repeated visits to the Anne Frank Exhibit at the Lloyd Center last year that convinced him that "under the skin I'm Jewish, and no amount of study of another religion will change that."
His return to both Judaism and stability provided another opportunity to seek help from Molko and JFCS. Early this year, Simons decided he wanted to return to Israel, where he had met his wife on a kibbutz after the Six Day War in 1967.
"I spoke to David about going to Israel, and he was immediately supportive and has since been a champion of the idea," said Simons. "He has helped me through the frustrations of the process of aliyah."
Simons said that Sharon Wolfin-Eden at the Israel Aliyah Center was a tremendous help, but, since she is based in Oakland and serves the entire Pacific Northwest in addition to northern California, he needed local support too. He said Molko provided that support and helped him overcome the logistical difficulties.
Molko also encouraged Simons to resume work on an interactive human-relations program that had been interrupted by his wife's illness and his own grief. Simons resumed work on the program, which uses science fiction to teach life lessons to teens. Using his background as a film animator and writer, Simons is finalizing the program and hopes to market it internationally from Israel."I'm cautiously optimistic," said Simons. "I feel I have opportunity there. I wouldn't go if I didn't feel I could make a living there."
Simons knows he still faces "tons of challenges."
Quoting Winston Churchill after Britain's victory over Nazi Germany at El Alamein, Egypt, in 1942, he said, "Now, this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
At an age when many people are worrying about their 401(k) retirement plans, Simons is looking at the end of one life and the beginning of a new life. |
