What It Means to Be a Caregiver

by Susan Greenberg, JFCS Executive Director

I am a caregiver.

It’s only four words, but they hold a lifetime of emotion—love, responsibility, patience, grief, pride, frustration—and a strength you don’t realize you have until you’re living it.

I’m writing this because, like so many of you, I care for someone I love deeply. In my case, it’s my mom, who lives in an independent living retirement community. Caregiving looks different for each of us, but many of us recognize the moment our role shifts. One day, you’re the daughter, the son, the spouse, the sibling… and then you’re the person who coordinates, advocates, and keeps showing up—holding both the good and the hard.

Independence Isn’t the Same as Not Needing Support

My mom is active and social. She eats with friends and participates in a full calendar of activities. From the outside, it looks like she’s doing great.

But she can still be lonely. Loneliness isn’t only about being alone—it’s about missing the people who shaped your life, and the routines that once gave your days meaning.

She also hasn’t driven since she moved to Portland over 20 years ago, so transportation, errands, and appointments have always required coordination. We made it work—until a crisis hit.

Two Falls, Two Systems—and the Same Reality

Recently, my mom fell and broke five ribs. She went from a trauma hospital straight back to her home. There was no in-between—no step-down setting that matched what she actually needed. Independent living isn’t designed for hands-on recovery support, so very quickly, I became her primary source of care.

Then, about six weeks ago, my mother-in-law came to visit from Los Angeles and fell before she even left the airport. She broke her pelvis in two places. She spent time in the hospital, then moved to a skilled nursing facility for rehab. After that, she transitioned to an adult care home—because she still wasn’t ready to be on her own safely.

Two falls. Two different systems. And the same truth: the hardest questions still landed on family. Caregiving changes the rhythm of a household. It’s love—and it’s heavy.

What No One Says About Being “In the Middle”

Not poor enough for help.
Not wealthy enough for comfort.
Just stuck.

When there’s no real bridge from hospital to home, families end up stitching together care with time, money, and sheer determination. The cracks widen fast—especially when someone already depends on others for transportation and coordination.

Where JFCS Fits In

Living this personally has deepened what I already know professionally: caregivers need support, not just encouragement.

At Jewish Family & Child Service (JFCS), we help people navigate the realities that show up after a fall, a diagnosis, a loss, or a major life change—especially when the “system” is confusing or doesn’t cover what families truly need. If you’re caregiving and don’t know what the next step should be, we can help you sort through options and connect to support.

If You’re a Caregiver, Here’s What I Want You to Hear

While the story above is mine, the practical guidance below comes from someone I trust deeply—Doug Ruth, JFCS Clinical Director. Doug is not only a clinician; he’s also a caregiver. He understands both the emotional and logistical strain.

Here are a few caregiver “basics” Doug recommends—because they’re what make it possible to keep showing up:

  • Protect the basics. Sleep, food, water, and a little movement are not luxuries. They’re what keep you steady.
  • Don’t carry it alone. Ask for specific help: “Can you sit with her Tuesday from 2–4?” is easier to answer than “Let me know if you can help.”
  • Create a simple system. One place for meds, appointments, contacts, and questions can reduce daily stress.
  • Take breaks on purpose. Even short respite—an hour to walk, meet a friend, or breathe—can prevent burnout.
  • Get support for you, too. Counseling, a support group, or a trusted person to talk with can help you hold the emotional weight of caregiving.

There is no perfect caregiver. There is only the caregiver who keeps trying, keeps loving, and keeps showing up—even when it’s hard.

If you are a caregiver too, I want you to hear this:
You are doing more than you think.
You are stronger than you know.
You are not alone.
And that is enough.

If you are a caregiver in need of support, JFCS is here to help. Contact us at 503-226-7079 option 1, to speak with a compassionate team member who will help connect you with the resources you need. You can also fill out this form.